Brokenness leads to love

(FYI..I tried to make paragraphs in this following blog several times but it is not wanting to publish like that. I apologize. I hope it still makes sense!)Well hello again friends! Once again time has flown by and I haven't written. The story of my life. But if it makes you feel better...the truth is....is that I only write when I really have something to say. I'm not much for rambling so when I write these blogs, I write with purpose and with hope to glorify God and provoke godly thoughts and faith and conversation with others... and not to ramble and hope someone enjoys my ramble. With that said, hehe, I would like to inform you all that my time is really winding down here in Guatemala... Like seriously winding down. I only have 2.5 weeks left here and after living here a year, 2 weeks seems like nothing. I will set foot upon United States soil on August 1, 2012. Primero Dios...I will see both my brothers and my parents this day! (quite the accomplishment being that the bros live in Houston and the 'rents in Wyomin') It will probably be one of the most bittersweet days I have lived in my life. I will be ELATED to be home again with family and friends, but I know I will grieve leaving Guatemala. Guatemala... A place God called me to, although I might not understand entirely why for quite some time. He brought me here to teach me, grow me, love me, humble me, and just plain experience Him outside of my comfort zone. What will I miss the most....my host family. God has richly blessed me with them. They will be my Guatemala family for life!!! I pray I can somehow articulate to them before I leave, how much I love and appreciate them. So...what am I thinking about in these last 2 weeks in Guatemala? Well, as humans and especially as a women (at least I think) we like to KNOW the meaning and purpose of every detail of our lives. What does it mean that He said that? Why did God bring me to Guatemala for a year? Etc. So these last 2 weeks are the beginning of my reflection upon my year in a foreign country. I want to make meaning of it, and I desire to see what God did this year. Let me tell you....when you leave the country as a mission/volunteer I feel like there are a lot of expectations behind that. Especially behind the word....missionary. I can honestly say I have struggled to even hear myself called that here because that is a position with big shoes to fill in my mind. Shoes I am quite sure I am not fulfilling very well. Like Paul says...I do the things I do not want to do and I don't get the things done that I desire to get done. I can say I feel that way about this year in parts. I now wonder... Did I share the love and hope that is Christ? Did I selflessly seek to love God and my neighbor? What will people remember about me here? What is the legacy I will have left? Or did I just take advantage of being a foreigner and travel and act confused and get frustrated at differences and do nothing about it, or selfishly just resort to my agenda instead of seeking God? This whole missionary word has really got me thinking. Recently I have been reflecting again back to the book I read around Christmas called GRACIAS by Henri Nouwen. This book is his Latin american journal about his journey discovering where God was calling Him. I related soooo much to so many honest things he says in the book as he discovers what God is calling him to do while he is in Latin America. Through this book I realized......even missionaries are trying to seek God and figure out what it exactly means to be a missionary. One quote that is standing out to me right now is, "The more I think about the meaning of living and acting in the name of Christ, the more I realize that what I have to offer to others is not my intelligence, skill, power, influence, or connections, but my own human brokenness through which the love of God can manifest itself. The celebrant in Leonard Bernstein's Mass says:"Glass shines brighter when it's broken....I never noticed that."" (Gracias, 18). I love this quote because it rings so true! The best we can offer as Christians is authenticity in who we are....broken, messed up people that have recognized the healing power of of the truth of Christ's Love and Grace in our lives. When we are transparent and do not pretend to have our lives together but are seeking God and changing through Him, His light can shine through! So as I look back over the year I pray that I have glorified Christ through my life here and somehow impacted at least one soul for His Kingdom everlasting. And as I look upon my next and last 2 weeks here I desire to LOVE radically and share my brokenness with hope in Christ, with others who are broken and think they are without hope now. Let the captives free in Guatemala Lord! Mark 2:17 When Jesus heard this, he told them, "Healthy people don't need a doctor--sick people do. I have come to call not those who think they are righteous, but those who know they are sinners." John 13:35 Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples." Love you all back home! See you soon! :) Let us outdo each other in loving one another! :)

What I did not see....

"In every situation God is doing a thousand things that we cannot see and do not know."-John Piper- About two weeks ago I worked for a week at a different associated school with Common Hope here in Antigua. I am usually in San Miguel Escobar but for this one week I worked in Santa Catarina Bobadilla. I was invited to be at this school for a week because there was a group of students from Juliard doing workshops with the kids and they needed someone to interpret. So this meant that I did not show up for an entire week at the homework center I have been ahead of since February in San Miguel. This also meant I did not get to see my crazy, cute 1st graders for an entire week and usually I see them at least once a day for an hour. I absolutely loved my week at this other school and actually did not think I had missed San Miguel an awful lot until I returned to work last week.... I was quickly making my way up the hill by my elementary school I work at. I was sweating and breathing rapidly....it has been blazing hot here during the day. I had just reached the school around noon and the first shift of kids were leaving the school so the kids were out and parents were waiting for them by the big tree outside the school. I was headed to the homework center, greeting people on the way, when one of the moms of my first graders saw me and came to chat. She goes, "My son will be so happy you are back. He did not want to go to the homework center at all last week because Seño Julianne was not there." I quickly laughed and thanked her and headed on my way all the way thinking.....really? The kids missed me? Or at least one did...haha. I am not even sure I missed them that much really. oops. Lol. (I probably haven't let many of you in on a little secret I learned about myself this year....I am honestly not a little kids type of person. They are cute and all but I am not a natural to work with them. They quickly frustrate me and maybe even slightly get on my nerves. Acknowledging this worries me a bit because I really still do desire to be a mom someday...lol.) Basically, I really didn't think I had been making much of an impact on these kids....because well they were costing me lots of patience and feelings of love in me don't just naturally flow for them because they are always getting into something....hahahaha. However, this one comment from this mother was encouraging to me. I am reminded that even though I might quickly become stressed with kids and forget to enjoy them, everyday is still an opportunity and a choice to LOVE them. In the end, LOVE is what never ever fails and LOVE is a choice, not a feeling. I didn't think I had been showing much love to these kids...but maybe just maybe in the thousand things I do not see and do not know....God has graciously allowed me to be his instrument in the life of a child here in Guatemala. I am thankful for the little glimpses of encouragement He gives.

Perserverance, Endurance, Steadfastness

Romans 5:3-5 (NLT)
We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to dissppointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.

Perserverance (in the Greek Lexicon)

1) steadfastness, constancy, endurance

a) in the NT the characteristic of a man who is not swerved from his deliberate purpose and his loyalty to faith and piety by even the greatest trials and sufferings

b) patiently, and steadfastly

2) a patient, steadfast waiting for

3) a patient enduring, sustaining, perseverance

(http://www.blueletterbible.org/lang/lexicon/lexicon.cfm?Strongs=G5281&t=ESV)

Hello All,

The word perserverance is a word I believe God has given me this year in Guatemala. This word has kept popping up in my life here and when a friend told me about a week ago that God had given her that word for me I realized I needed to start listening. :) I got curious about the difference between perserverance, endurance and steadfastness so I decided to do a little research. That is what I gave you above. They are all synonyms :) 

Recently I noticed how excited I had become about only having 2.5 months left in Guatemala. August 1 seems Oh so close now after 9 months! How I will rejoice in the homecoming but oh how I will mourn leaving Guatemala....such a mix of emotions. But as I get excited to come home, the Lord is whispering to me to not waste time and coast through these last 2.5 months here. It would be soooo easy to just pine for Aug. 1 and quit trying here. I leave in 2.5 months, what can happen in that amount of time? BUT NO! Time is outside of God! SOOO much can happen in a DAY, let alone 2.5 months! Who knows if I will even be here tomorrow! 

So as a theme throughout this year God is reminding me to LIVE and CEASE THE DAY. All I have is THIS moment! Somtimes that is soo easy to do! When life FEELS good and we are on the mountaintop it is easy to cease the day and enjoy the moments. However, when life isn´t what we would like it to be....it´s easier to just put life in neutral and coast on through. 

This verse about endurance encouraged my heart and gave me renewed hope! These last 2.5 months will probably be the hardest but the most fruitful in Guatemala! God has promised me the Holy Spirit and His love! It´s time to keep pushing through....which mostly means at work and in relationships here in Guatemala. My work situation this year has been a huge challenge, but I know God put me here for a reason....to grow, to learn to endure....but these things hurt. Sometimes I have to force myself to remember little moments of joy throughout my day when cultural misunderstandings and confusing relationships exhaust me and suck life out of me. I hold onto the promise that enduring this will produce character and character will strenghthen my faith...my hope of salvation! 

¨Nothing great was ever done without much enduring.¨ -Catherine of Siena

¨Success is not final: failure is not fatal, it is the courage to continue that counts.¨-Winston Churchill-

On the bright side....let me give some of the joys in my life right now:

1. SALSA! I have found a refuge in taking salsa lessons! One of my dreams come true! I absolutely love the community I have found at my salsa studio and their kindness. I knew I liked dancing...but now I KNOW I do. It might just be a little addicting :)

2. A wonderful friend from my hometown is in Guatemala this month with the World Race, Kathryn Law! God knew I needed some hometown Wyoming understanding and encouragment. :)

So I hope you can be encouraged by this verse on endurance! Let´s run this race....we know we have a sweet end brothers and sisters in Christ! PARADISE!

Again, I am always humbled when I am reminded of people back home and people I barely know who regularly lift me up in prayer. Thank you for your faith and faithfullness! Love you all and cannot wait to see you in person and share about my year!!!

LEGACY

Once again, time has flown and I have not blogged in awhile!  But no worries world, I am still here in Guatemala facing the reality that I have less time left here than I have been here. (yes, take a moment to process that statement, it is confusing at first read lol) As my time shortens, I hang on to the hope and promise that our God is always at work, always loving us, always calling us and always showering us in His Grace.  As I think about ONLY having 3.5 months left, I find that my biggest fear is leaving this beautiful country without having at least made some lasting friendships and without having really impacted any of the kids I see in the homework center. But then I take a deep breath and remember, Life was and never is about me and me FEELING good about the great things I have done, right? We live to bring glory to GOD, not ourselves. I can only pray that I leave a Legacy.....like the Nichole Nordeman song. Here are the beautiful lyrics of her song that express my heart for my time in Guatemala as well as my life upon this earth:

I don't mind if you've got something nice to say about me
And I enjoy an accolade like the rest
You could take my picture and hang it in a gallery
Of all who's who and so-n-so's that used to be the best
At such'n'such ... it wouldn't matter much

I won't lie, it feels alright to see your name in lights
We all need an 'Atta boy' or 'Atta girl'
But in the end I'd like to hang my hat on more besides
The temporary trappings of this world

I want to leave a legacy
How will they remember me?
Did I choose to love? Did I point to You enough
To make a mark on things?
I want to leave an offering
A child of mercy and grace who
blessed your name unapologetically

And leave that kind of legacy

I don't have to look too far or too long awhile
To make a lengthly list of all that I enjoy
It's an accumulating trinket and a treasure pile
Where moth and rust, thieves and such will soon enough destroy

Not well traveled, not well read, not well-to-do or well bred
Just want to hear instead, "Well Done" good and faithful one...

So you may be wondering and asking, Is she ready to come home?

Well..........YES and NO!!!!!!!!!! haha. 

YES I am ready because I miss my family and friends and big beautiful Wyoming :) Yes because I am tired of having an upset stomach more than not.  Yes because I selfishly want more of my independence back....My car, my choice of food, my own stuff to wash and clean, etc. Yes because I want my conveniences...... like a washing machine and dryer, my car instead of waiting for a bus, a phone that works 99.9% of the time, bugs that wont be around to eat me alive, drinking water from a faucet without getting ill, and a place where I can be out at night and feel safe.

NOOOO I am NOT ready because I will struggle when I get home with REVERSE  culture shock. No because I love my host family here and will never be able to thank them for how gracious they have been with me. No because i will miss the friendliness of people here. I will miss speaking spanish and eating the food! No, because I will be ending a year that I dreamed about for a very long time. No because i will miss riding buses and hearing spanish music blasting 100% of the time. No because I still do not know what the next step God has planned in my life. and No because I will miss the simplicity of life here and of being reminded daily of the reality of a people living in poverty and that I really have NOTHING to ever complain about.

Once again, I thank all my friends and family for all your continued support through prayer, emails, etc. I am blessed beyond measure by each one of you! 

Catch-up or Ketchup?

I´m still here :)
Hello World!! Sorry I have been absent for so long!!! The last month and a half flew by because the weeks were filled with exciting adventures...which included a trip to Tikal and Belice with my group, starting the homework center, and having my family visit me in Guatemala!!!!  Just a few days ago I looked at my calender and realized....I only have 4.5 months left in Guatemala. This extended time abroad in a different country that I had dreamed about for years....is on the downhill side. How crazy is that!? I remember the last thing my Dad said to me in the airport when I left my home state in August, ´Live out your dreams girl!´  This comes to my mind every once in awhile and brings a smile to my face because I AM LIVING A DREAM! Although, I must admit our dreams (which I believe are the desires God puts within each of us) are not always exactly what we imagined them to be. This 6.5 months that I have lived in Guatemala have been exciting, fun, challenging, sad, confusing, intriguing, beautiful, angering, frusturating, a blessing...which can all be summed up in the word LIFE ;) jaja. Recently I have felt pulling desires within myself....I do love living in this country with beautiful children and people and speaking spanish but I also love HOME, my family, friends, culture, the beautiful Wyoming landscape, etc. It freaks me out sometimes wondering if God would call for me to stay here in Guatemala because I want to go home at some point. lol. But I am sure whatever happens, GOD knows what is best.


Current Events
SO........my family visited me 2 weeks ago!!! I was looking through fotos yesterday from their trip here and laughed a ton. The fact that my family got to visit me here in Guatemala also fulfilled part of my dream. Every since I first left the country when I was 17 I have wanted my family to be able to experience something like it with me and it finally happened!! I mostly wanted those near and dear to my heart to witness me in one of my prime settings........in the Latinamerican culture speaking spanish! We spent the week laughing, catching up, eating GREAT food, relaxing in the park for hours, meeting my host family as well as puking and various other things  that we decided rounded off their Guatemala experience :) One of the most gratifying things was my family meeting my host family. I must admit....I was nervous about the language barrier situation. How are we all going to hang out and sit through a whole dinner with my host family when most of my family does not speak much spansish? All I could picture were super awkward silences and lots of eating and no talking. HOWEVER, God can always surprise me and bring joy to my heart! My two families meshed quite well and I think I could say we all enjoyed each others company. My host family blessed my heart so much when after they went with me to drop off my family at the airport they said ´It is so awesome that you kids are all older and have all lived apart for awhile now, but you still are so close knit and like being together` Yes, indeed,  I am quite blest :) Love you family!

Well, I am going to sign off for now.....but await a soon to come post on the season of LENT in Guatemala!!

Thanks for all the prayers friends and family! Be safe and go with God and remember how much HE loves YOU!

p.s. if the title of this blog confused any of you, don´t worry. I confused myself with it too. I just thought I was being funny. Learning a language always brings funny word games to mind and I giggled so I shared it with you all. now are you even more confused? o well, don´t worry. :) bahaha

A Day In My Life in Guate....

I wake up a little before 6:00a.m. Lately I have not wanted to get out of bed, because of the chilly air that consumes the atmosphere before the sun has come up. Yes, it gets chilly here but snow never does  squeeze through the clouds. jaja. After convincing myself I can endure the cold, I get myself up and get the day started! I get excited about life in the mornings, because every day is a new day to learn more spanish and to learn more about kids and to learn to just be...which is a lot of the time.

After readying myself, I throw my bag together with a few quetzales in case I need bus fair and a snack, and I head downstairs for breakfast. Since my host brother leaves SUPER early in the morning to go the the university and my host dad leaves early to deliver children to school, breakfast is a wonderful time for the women of the household....my host mom, sister, and I. My breakfasts usually consist of some type of egg, frijoles, pan (bread baked over a fire..delicious) plantains, or pancakes. Recently my host mom found out after I got sick that I LOVE atol. Atol is basically like drinking different types of oatmeal. They make it from corn, bananas, and many other things. When I come down in the morning it is always a suprise to see what steaming hot delicious drink I will have that day. So I eat my breakfast, grab my lunch that my host mom always has ready and I head out the door.

My walk to school is about 20 minutes of walking pretty darn fast. I absolutely love this morning walk. A time to pray and see many different things I would never see in my own culture and country. I have been taking note of some interesting things I see in the mornings....a mom carting her little girl all bundled up and asleep in a wheelbarrow, stray dogs everywhere and some of them chewing on the massive bones from the meat stores, dads giving their kids a ride to school on bicycles and motos, and moms walking their kids to school. I also have to watch the ground carefully as well..(.multitasking because of course I want to see the people and all things going around me....) because there is dog poo and other ungodly substances in every orfice of the street. This morning I smelt something odd as I turned a corner and could only try to divert my mind to something else so as not to puke and wonder if I had stepped in something. ( i had NOT,. jaja) As I get closer to my school, I start seeing little first graders I know and they get all shy when I say hi. Part of my morning walk usually consists in somebody in the street saying BUENOS DÍAS CANCHITA, which means good morning light haired girl. I take it they mean it with love ;)

After arriving at the school which is quite miraculous considering all the distractions on my walk there, I start working on something to prep for the Homework center that will start in less than 2 weeks and I AM the one ahead of it! AH! I will write more about my kids after that starts up!

Around 10:00a.m. all the kids find their way outside for recess. For recess, a certain number of kids must put on florescent colored vests and put up signs and cord to create an area (in the middle of where lots of traffic pass through) so they can run around and play. About this time I come out of the homework center to buy my favorite snack of the day....a fresh pealed orange, sliced in the middle with added salt, crushed pumpkin seed powder, and a little bit of what would be like chile pepper (sounds strange, i know, but just try it!)  I buy this snack from a señora that sets up her table under the tree by the school to sell delicious snacks everyday.

After a full day of work, I am ready to head home around 4:30p.m... this is another favorite part of my day ...my walk home. As I head home, the beautiful volcano 'fuego' is in the distance straight in front of me. The sun is usually getting ready to go down and beautiful clouds with sun rays shining through usually beautify the view.

I arrive home about 5:00 or 5:30 and it is time to rest.....read, do some yoga and other exercises in my room, or watch t.v. with my host sister. About 7:00 someone comes up to my room to say that dinner has been served. I enjoy dinner with the host family. I mostly just listen to the family discuss.... friends, family, neighbors. jaja. There are usually some good laughs. Sometimes I find myself at the table with just my host mom...talking about our AMAZING GOD! I usually leave the table at these times feeling wonderfully blessed. How could God be so good to me?  Because HE LOVES ME!

After I finish dinner around 8:00p.m. or so, I am ready to head to my room to read, journal, pray and sometimes just fall asleep at way too early of an hour. I sleep a lot here....but I am told that is totally normal when you find yourself being integrated into a foreign country and maybe feeding a few extra parasites (not even kidding). So I simply embrace this common knowledge and am usually sleeping around 10:00 p.m. all covered with warm, warm blankets because it can be very very chilly.

So...that is an idea of the Day in the life of Julianne in Guate....I am really loving it for the most part. For the most part because....I think I will always have the desire and have days when I just want to be home and near my dear family and friends. But I think this is part of the journey....learning to live ONE day at a time and realizing how I always (even when I am in the states) desire to be somewhere else or everywhere at once so as to not miss something or because I think life would just be so much better 'there' and with 'so and so'.

So I will sign off now. I still need to finish walking home...I am using internet near the cute little plaza area here in Ciudad Vieja.

Love you all!! Praying that you're finding JOY in the little things! (like for me seeing a girl sleeping away in a wheelbarrow this morning...lol)

  I come home 6 months from today....crazy how time works. Half my time here is almost over!

Settling in....!??!!??!!

I apologize it has been awhile again. I am learning about a life more detached from technology....which honestly is kind of nice. I get this feeling I might have technology overload when I get back home. lol. But not having internet at my hands to kill time leaves me a lot of time to create other hobby habits in my life and leaves me time to evalulate my life. jaja. I have been reading more and cross stitching :) It is pretty great.

As I sit in this internet place in Ciudad Vieja, I am greatful to God for how kind and gracious He is. Sometimes the rollercoaster of emotions I feel in a day, week and month leave me wondering how I can feel halfway stable here in Guate...but I do now. About a month ago, I would have given anything to go home and be around my family and friends. I really did not want to be here. But then again that changed from day to day as well and I really did want to be here... mostly because my host family is so kind to me. But in this last month my friends, I can honestly say that although August 1, 2012 will be looked forward to this whole year (the day i fly home), I also now know deep in my heart that leaving this beautiful place will break my heart.

One of the most exciting things God is convincing me of lately is that I really do speak spanish and I have a whole 6 months to continue to dominate it!!! Those of you who really know me, know that I often doubt my abilities when it comes to the things I love most in life.  For example, speaking spanish. I LOVE IT, but it has taken me this long to believe that I really can speak it and I only just need to have patience with myself to let come out of my mouth what I really do know and what really does make sense. jaja

Along these same lines about language I have discovered that it takes a lot of initiation on the part of a foreigner to meet people and be bold. The Guatemalan people see me as another foreigner and they have no idea if I will be able to speak back to them and understand them or not. Plus, they already have a community here so it is not necessary for them to try to make a foreign friend who will probably just leave in a short time anyways. This past week I had a couple of experiences that helped me be open with Guatemalans at my work place and it helped them discover that I really can respond back and have a conversation with them. I have now made a few more aquaintices (I cannot spell anymore, p.s.) at CommonHope and I am not a stranger to as many people anymore. This experience is teaching me that is takes time to find a place and build a community of friends in a strange new place.

So my hour here is finishing up and I have barely written what I wanted to..... and I did not bring money enough for another hour at this internet place.....so stay updated in the next few days for "A Day in the Life of Julianne en Guate...." I have been at the school working with kids and it is GREAT!

Love you all and thanks again for your unending prayers and support! They sustain me here.......more than I will ever really understand!

Christmas in Guatemala and a Renewed Hope

I hope you all passed the Christmas season joyfully and that most of all you experienced Jesus and knew Him in a new way. I love the Christmas season. I love reflecting on the birth of our Eternal King. Immanuel, our God is WITH us! 

I have to admit that the month of December was probably the biggest sacrifice that I didn't want to give up before I had ever made the final decision to spend a year in a different country. I love this season spent at home with the people dearest to my heart. I love going to the mountains and treking through snow to find the 'perfect' tree and then eating some chili and hot cocoa with marshmallows amidst the company of people dear to my heart. I treasure the years of memories I have of decorating the tree with my family the night we brought the tree home. We spend a couple few hours blabbing and decorating and listening to Christmas music and laughing ...and of course drinking us a delish Tom and Jerry. And Dad always has a beautiful fire roaring on the fireplace to make it even more cozy. This is what I didn't want to miss this year.... but It happened anyways.

So to say the least I was dreading this month. My mind was consumed of the happenings back home...Christmas tree hunting, Christmas stroll, brothers coming home & cousins as well, sitting around the Christmas tree. What is Christmas without my family, I thought.  

Well, God taught me more than I will probably understand this month. I experienced what it is like to be loved and accepted by a family not my own this Christmas. People that have taken me in and created a place of belonging  for me in a foreign land. Experiencing Christmas in Guatemala was for me...experiencing Jesus in a new way. 

Amidst the feelings of complete loneliness and strong aches of missing home this season, God always gave me moments that reminded me...Immanuel, God is with me! A few of these moments...

1) Coming home one night after a 4 day vacation with my group and my host sister embracing me and not letting me go...telling me how much she missed me. 
2) Extended host family on Christmas Eve embracing me and saying we love you Juli! Welcome to the family! 
3) getting to the point that my host family and I all tease each other. 
4) reflecting on the multitudes of people that weren't home with their families for Christmas. I was not alone. I can say that Christmas will never be the same in my heart again. I will not try to take my family and comfort of home for granted. There is always someone missing home during this season.

So what did I do these last 3 weeks of vacation?

1.) Here in Guatemala there is s catholic tradition for the nine days before Christmas called posadas. This word in Spanish translates as 'inn' and it also signifies this Christmas tradition. Every night there is a posada in somebody's house. The idea behind them is that they symbolize Mary and Joseph looking for a place to stay, looking for room in the inn to have baby Jesus. I participated in 2 posadas and absolutely adored them! First, we went to the house where they had left the 'nacimiento' the night before. The nacimiento is the mini nativity with candles, on a wooden platform that 2 or 4 people carry on their shoulders. We arrived at the house and somebody would say a prayer. Then everyone bundles up, grabs a candle or a maraca or tambourine, and the nacimiento and heads out on the town to do a procession. People were singing and praying and others would step of their houses as we walked by to pay their respects to Jesus. We walked like 10 blocks and would then end up at a new house or 'inn'. Before we could enter in the new house we had to sing a song, begging for a place to stay and then the people inside would respond and eventually open their house for us to come in. After the nacimiento had been carefully placed we would all sit down and listen to a reflection devotional that someone had prepared. One night we talked about generosity and what that looks like in our lives. After the devotional, the hosts would provide us with a snack like a tamale and ponche ( hot fruit punch with chunks of fruit...DELICIOUS!) these are both traditional Christmas foods in Guate. 
These posadas were a beautiful way to be reminded of the story of the coming of our King. 

2) Cooked with my host sister for 2 days before Christmas. I learned how to make traditional Guatemalan foods and drinks and most importantly sowed the relationship with my host sister through laughs and time spent just being together. Be warned....I will be cooking Guatemalan food when I arrive back home! :)

3) Spent a couple days at the beach with a friend in my group. That is right...I was soaking in the rays of the blazing sun in the middle of December. Haha. I also spent a day at another beach with my host family and had an absolute blast. Cannot say my face has been this bronzed ever before in the month of December. Haha.

4) most of all this break God has been reminding me that He is my All in All. While reading a book Gracias by Henri Nouwen God spoke to me about my year here. I had begun to wonder why I was here in Guatemala. But I am realizing that i am not here to see the influence I can have on others so I can be proud of myself and I am certainly not here to make huge changes. I am like a child again here...more dependent on others than I have had to be in a pretty long time. I have lost most of the control or the illusion of control I had on my life before. I talk like a child and sometimes don't talk at all, I am served all of my meals, I have no car to drive, I am teaching little kids...an age I don't have a lot of scholarly experience and training with....the list could go on of these scary, inadequacy types of feelings. 

Henri Nouwen says, " one of the most rewarding aspects of living in a strange land is the experience of being loved not for what we can do, but for who we are." (pg. 17, Gracias). 

Yep. I thank God he loves us inherently because He created us and not for the 'Success' of products in our lives. Every day it becomes more clear to me this whole concept of being vs. doing. I think I have been disillusioned that my feelings of success correlate with Gods love. This year in Guatemala is going to start to clear that up...it has already. God loves me for me! Not for my success with a lesson plan, not for how well I kept the kids under control, etc. 

I encourage you to join me in this journey....do you let God love you for you? Or do you correlate your feelings of success in a day with how God is loving you? Let us not be disillusioned....we cannot do anything in our strength.

Love you all! MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR! Primero Dios (if God is willing...a daily saying in Guatemala) I will be home exactly 7 months from today on Aug. 1st. Crazy....:) Have 4 months already gone by?

Julianne